High Elves, Low Dignity
by Crystal-Nimrodel
Summary: Lord Elrond and a so-called bright idea. What can possibly go wrong? CHAPTER 4 UP
1. Famous Last Words

[To the tune of "My Favourite Things" from 'The Sound of Music']  
  
"Elves in suspenders  
With heels (many inches)  
Waist high dresses  
And pink feather boas  
  
Luminous make-up  
"The Timewarp" they sing  
These are a few of our favourite things.."  
  
Disclaimer~ You're only going to hear this once. I own no one from Tolkien. If did, I wouldn't bother writing this.  
  
Ch.1~ Famous Last Words  
  
The morning in Lorien dawned bright and sunny. Birds were chirping in the trees and the soft rustle of the leaves overhead gave the edge to this peaceful tranquil setting. . .  
  
"ARRRRRGH!" A loud shout sounded from overhead causing all the birds to take flight in their fear.  
  
"What the heck is the matter with that brother of mine now?" Haldir slammed his book down on the table and strode down to his brother's room. He rapped heavily on the door and stormed in. Orophin and Rumil were sitting at a small table, a chess board laid out on the top and Rumil with a very smug expression.  
  
"Orophin! Will you please keep it down? I have just got to page six hundred and fifty-seven and you choose to disturb me at the most exciting part."  
  
Orophin just scowled.  
  
"Alright Rumil, what did you do this time?"  
  
"Nothing" replied Rumil innocently "He's just a sore loser, that's all"  
  
Haldir sighed, bent down a whispered in Rumil's ear.  
  
"That's the sixteenth time this week you've beat him in less than seven moves! Can't you give the poor guy a break?"  
  
"But-"  
  
"I know you're talking about me" Orophin said.  
  
"Yes, we're talking about you, not to you, dear brother!"  
  
Haldir suddenly looked more thoughtful than usual.  
  
"Haldir, what is it?" asked Rumil  
  
"I've just had an idea" mused Haldir "None of us seems to do much these days do we?"  
  
Rumil and Orophin exchanged frightened glances. Whenever their brother had an 'idea' they usual ended up either in pain or humiliation.  
  
Haldir took no notice and carried on.  
  
"Why don't we take a look at the notices down by the main hall? I'm sure there'd be something there we could do"  
  
"Are you saying that we go down, to the notice board and join a club?" said Orophin cautiously.  
  
"Got it in one!" grinned Haldir "I mean, all we do now is sit around all day bickering with each other."  
  
"No we don't!" cried Orophin and Rumil in unison. Haldir gave them a triumphant smile.  
  
"There you go. You're doing it already."  
  
Orophin suddenly looked very uncomfortable and bit his lip.  
  
"So, let's say we do join a club" he said "Do we all get to decide on a club or will you choose it for us anyway?"  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" inquired Haldir with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"Nothing, nothing" said Orophin hastily.  
  
"So, what about it?" asked Haldir.  
  
"I'll go and look. But Haldir, I'm not promising I'll go to any. OK?" replied Rumil.  
  
Orophin sighed.  
  
"Go on then. I suppose it can't do any harm." 


	2. The many undiscovered talents of Master ...

Chapter 2~ The many undiscovered talents of Master Erestor  
  
"Let's see now." Haldir ran his gaze along the notices that were pinned up on the board while Rumil and Orophin exchanged nervous glances.  
  
"Do you realise that this is his big chance to make fools out of us?" Orophin hissed to his brother  
  
"I know that, Orophin but if we don't do something soon he'll have a nervous breakdown!" Rumil whispered back  
  
"It's not my fault he has a short temper with in-animate objects" shrugged Orophin.  
  
"Ah ha!" Haldir's triumphant voice suddenly cried making the two brothers jump out of their skin. To their dismay he sounded ecstatic with what he had found.  
  
"And?" Rumil inquired nervously  
  
"There is a cookery club every Tuesday. What about that?"  
  
"NO!" cried Rumil and Orophin simultaneously.  
  
"The problem with you two-" began Haldir as he turned back to the board "-is that you're too fussy"  
  
"Us? Fussy?" exclaimed Rumil "We're not the ones that destroyed the pearl and ivory chessboard after reading the same sentence just three times."  
  
Haldir pretended not to hear while the pair exchanged exasperated looks.  
  
"Okay, how about this?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"There is a club on tonight in the main hall that is run by. . .ah."  
  
"Who?" Orophin sounded quite worried by the tone in Haldir's voice.  
  
"Elrond."  
  
"What? What's he doing here?" asked Orophin  
  
"It says that he's here on vacation for three weeks and is starting up dance classes."  
  
"D-Dance?" Rumil and Orophin gaped at Haldir in the utmost horror.  
  
"It's the only one left" he shrugged "Unless you want to try knitting!"  
  
Rumil and Orophin turned to each other.  
  
"A little privacy please" said Orophin "Brotherly conference"  
  
Haldir sighed and turned his back to them.  
  
"What do you think?" asked Orophin "I mean, if that's what it'll take to get Haldir's temper under control I think we should go for it."  
  
"But Orophin, can you seriously see us joining a dance class?"  
  
""No, but what's the point in being immortal if we don't try new things?"  
  
Rumil sighed. "I suppose it can't hurt to try it."  
  
They turned back to face Haldir's back.  
  
"You can turn around now" they said.  
  
Haldir looked at the solemn faces of his brothers. "Well?"  
  
The evening came too quickly for Rumil and Orophin who were looking distinctly paler with every hour that went by. Haldir, on the other hand, had never looked more elated.  
  
"I'm so glad that we finally can do something together, as brothers!" he sighed with happiness.  
  
When the "hour of doom" (as Rumil called it) finally arrived, Haldir chivvied the disgruntled pair out the door and practically frog-marched them along to the main hall. From the looks on their faces you would think someone had died.  
  
"Gather round, gather round!" Elrond called to the surrounding elves once they were all inside the hall. "There are so many here and so many long faces too" he said gazing around at the small group in front of him "Well, we can change that very soon! After all that's what we're here for."  
  
Rumil shifted his gaze from Elrond's literally glowing face to Haldir's excited grin then down to his brother's appalled pout and sighed "We must be mad to have agreed to this" he said shaking his head.  
  
"Now then does anyone here know anything about dancing?" Elrond asked. A couple of hands went up. "Anyone willing do give a demonstration?" he asked, beaming. The hands went down abruptly.  
  
"Just as well I brought my assistant then!" Elrond beamed round at the group. "Now he's quite knowledgeable on dancing so I don't want any of you to become disheartened. After a few sessions I am sure we'll be up to his standard. Now without further ado may I present my assistant, Erestor!"  
  
From the un-noticed far corner of the room, a tall black-haired elf dressed in a grey tunic and black shoes walked slowly up to Elrond. From the expression on his face Rumil imagined that Erestor would rather be hand- feeding a rabble of Orcs than do what Elrond had in store.  
  
All the elves looked at each other and some looked like they were about to burst out laughing for it was widely known that Erestor was the most serious elf in Rivendell and led an extremely boring and dull life, though whether this was cause of his own doings or whether the centuries of being Elrond's advisor had taken their toll, no-one really knew.  
  
A pale pink tinge appeared in Erestor's face as Elrond grinned happily at his advisor.  
  
"Lindir, music please!" Elrond called to a second blonde elf sitting on a chair near where Erestor had been. A small harp was between his thighs and he looked up from the instrument when he heard Elrond's voice and began to play.  
  
On cue, Erestor took a deep breath and began to dance. Slow at first, following the music with his silent feet then quicker as Lindir's skilled and elegant fingers began to run faster over the harp strings until finally he stopped, one leg slightly off the ground and his head bowed downwards as Lindir struck the final note.  
  
The surrounding elves just stared in amazement at Erestor's performance and finally the silence was broken by someone clapping. Then others joined in until the whole hall was applauding. Rumil and Orophin turned to each other and grinned as they saw Haldir's horror-stricken face.  
  
"We're supposed to do that?!" Haldir sounded quite breathless with fear.  
  
Rumil and Orophin grinned and Orophin rubbed his hands together, a wicked smirk playing on the corner of his lips  
  
"Excellent, now we can watch our 'dear' brother doing pirouettes and I can bribe Erestor for, oh, many, many things for many, many years!"  
  
Rumil gazed across at Erestor who was now sitting back next to Lindir, his face a furious pink.  
  
"You know" he said turning back to Orophin "I wonder if our Lord and Lady know about Erestor's performance."  
  
No sooner were the words out of his mouth, the door burst open and two figures rushed over to Elrond.  
  
"We aren't too late are we?" asked one of them.  
  
"No no my Lady" he replied "Please, pull up a chair!"  
  
The other figure turned to face his companion.  
  
"Just you remember, Galadriel 'dearest', this was your idea!"  
  
"Oh, stop fretting, Celeborn 'darling'. Its all you males do these days."  
  
"And you exactly do you know all of us do it?" asked Celeborn with a raised eyebrow.  
  
Galadriel suddenly looked slightly guilty.  
  
"Well, you know how it is, my love" she simpered "It was calling to me. A-And you know that Thranduil's mind has always been weak to resist it's magic and-"  
  
"That's it" cried Celeborn "I say it every year, but this time I mean it. That darn mirror is going!" 


	3. Of Maps and Make Up

Chapter 3~ Of Maps and Make-Up  
  
Rumil shook his head and bent his head down over the map.  
  
"Remind me" said Orophin as he sat down next to Rumil "What exactly are we going to do?"  
  
"I have had it up to here with Haldir's practising" scowled Rumil "'Tis all he does now. It's up with the birds, dancing all around the talan then going to bed so late that he may as well be getting up instead!"  
  
"Yes, I know that part" sighed Orophin "But what are we going to do?"  
  
"Ah yes" said Rumil, proudly spreading the map out on the floor. "I've worked out an escape plan for us. What we do is go down, late at night and sneak out via the west talans" he said, tracking the route with a finger. "We then head down to Nimrodel and out of the woods via the south border, and then, dear brother, we are free!"  
  
"Don't you think he'll notice we're gone?" asked Orophin, biting his lip.  
  
"Nah. He's always too preoccupied. Besides we could go tonight. He's bound to want to stay behind after dance class so it'll give us time to get packed while he's not here."  
  
"While who's not here?"  
  
Rumil nearly leapt a foot in the air.  
  
"Haldir!" He said in surprise while trying to sit on the map to hide it "How are you brother?"  
  
"I am well, thank you. But tell me, what is that you have there?"  
  
"Er. . .Nothing. Nothing." Replied Rumil hastily  
  
"Yes there is, you're sitting on it" Haldir said, getting suspicious.  
  
"It's for my, my.."  
  
"Geography class." Finished Orophin, grinning.  
  
"Geography?" said Haldir, raising an eyebrow  
  
"Er.yes. So would you mind giving us some peace and quiet while I work?"  
  
"Of course." Said Haldir "I'm glad to see you doing something constructive for a change." He walked off into one of the side rooms and shut the door.  
  
No sooner had Haldir gone, a head poked around Rumil's bedroom door.  
  
"Celwyn" Rumil snarled "What do you think you're doing here?"  
  
"I only wanted to know if you've made any progress on the escape plan yet."  
  
The side door was flung open and Haldir strode in.  
  
"So that's what you're planning, eh?" He bent down and pulled the oversized map from underneath Rumil "I'll take that!"  
  
"Celwyn!" Rumil yelled. But Celwyn was gone.  
  
"Typical" snarled Rumil "What?" he looked at the floor where Haldir's foot has tapping impatiently up to his serious face.  
  
"Explain" he said, pointing at the map.  
  
"What is there to explain?" said Rumil stubbornly "You've already heard what we're doing."  
  
"I want to hear it from the horse's mouth"  
  
"The what?" exclaimed Rumil in outrage.  
  
"It's a phrase Elrond taught me" said Haldir proudly "Just tell me"  
  
Rumil took a deep breath.  
  
"We were going to sneak off and escape while everyone was asleep."  
  
"Oh really?" said Haldir now sounding faintly amused "Taking anyone with you?"  
  
"Oh just orophincelwynandme" said Rumil quickly  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because we are sick to death of you prancing around the talan from dawn till dusk like some faerie with a large happy-balloon inside you!"  
  
Haldir just looked at them. Then grinned..  
  
"Why didn't you say so?"  
  
Rumil looked scared by this very un-Haldir-like response but had barely time to dwell on it when he grabbed Rumil and Orophin and pulled them to their feet.  
  
"Now, let's go and see Sir Elrond and see if he has any tips he can give you two."  
  
"Erm...Haldir?" said Orophin cautiously.  
  
"Yes, dear brother?"  
  
"Are you feeling alright?"  
  
"Better than I have in years, Orophin. Why do you ask?"  
  
"It's just that you aren't acting like yourself."  
  
"I'm just so happy that I've finally found a decent hobby that we can all enjoy"  
  
"Oh" was all that Orophin could manage to say.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Haldir led the pair down to Elrond's quarters. On the way though, they passed the notice board and Rumil's expression got much darker.  
  
"I didn't know there was a special dance club meeting today" said Haldir looking at the notice pinned up on the board.  
  
"Neither did we" said Orophin dully then turning to Rumil, he said "I took that down this morning!"  
  
"Why is it back up then?" hissed Rumil.  
  
Orophin shrugged "It's not fair. Of all the clubs in the world, it had to be dance!"  
  
The brothers were interrupted from their conversation with a shout of both revelation and supreme surprise from Haldir.  
  
"The meeting started ten minutes ago!"  
  
"And?" sighed Rumil  
  
"And what? Come on, we might've missed something important!"  
  
Haldir dashed off in the opposite direction to the main hall while Rumil and Orophin ran to catch up with their brother.  
  
"Important?" panted Orophin after their seventh staircase dash "Highly unlikely."  
  
They reached the main hall just as Haldir slipped inside in front of them.  
  
"We aren't too late are we?" They heard him say.  
  
"No, no not at all." They heard Elrond's voice answer.  
  
Orophin and Rumil made their way towards the doors and slipped inside just as Haldir had done. What they saw made their stomachs turn in sync.  
  
In the middle of the room, there was a small cluster of elves sitting in a circle and in the middle of that circle, stood Elrond. But it wasn't Elrond, the dignified Elf-Lord of Imladris who they never dared to play a prank on for the threat of being Erestor's assistant. The Elrond standing in the middle of the circle was dressed in the strangest and most ridiculous garb that Lorien had ever seen.  
  
For a start he wore a knee high dress, pink in colour. On his feet he wore high-heeled boots of black and he had even gone so far as to wear black fish-net tights. His hair was done in a high ponytail and his face was plastered in make-up.  
  
"Please, take a seat" he said.  
  
Orophin and Rumil stood as still as stone and gaped at Elrond.  
  
"I thought, now that you are all experts at dancing, we could put on a little show for your family and friends."  
  
"And we'd all have to dress like that?" a young elf piped up.  
  
"No. Some of you can be involved in sorting out the costumes for other performers and some of you can be involved in the make-up" replied Elrond.  
  
"He means if we perform, will we have to wear that?" said a second.  
  
"No, there are different costumes" he assured them.  
  
"Oh wonderful!" sighed the elf.  
  
Suddenly from the far side of the circle came a high-pitched voice.  
  
"Oh Celeborn darling, won't this be fun? I've always wanted high- heels!"  
  
"That's the spirit my Lady" said Elrond. "Now I'll just hand out these sheets of information about the performance I think you'll find very interesting. Now whoever wishes to participate should sign their name on the piece of parchment that is coming round the circle."  
  
Orophin and Rumil exchanged horrified glances and quickly made their way over to where Erestor was sitting. The dark-haired elf's face and expression were both very fixed and he made no sign that he had seen them approach, only that he pointed to some remaining chairs.  
  
"You know" Erestor said "I think that knitting club is starting to look very appealing!" 


	4. The Mirror Never Lies

A/N~ Wha?! I haven't updated for over a month! Whoa. Bad me! *slaps self on wrist!* Sorry folks, I've been very busy over the past weeks so updating this hasn't been top of my priority list. However, here is the next chapter and please forgive my slow updating. *hides from pursuing orcs*  
  
~*Chapter 4~ The Mirror Never Lies*~  
  
Night was drawing in around Caras Galadhon and the first stars were just appearing, blinking silently down towards the earth.  
  
All was still below the trees and no movement, save for the light breeze filtering through the trees, could be seen or heard. The hours passed uneventfully, and still the heart of Lorien slept on. Then, as night fully enveloped the wood, a tall figure appeared from one of the rooms. The figure was indistinguishable apart from his long, flowing hair which wisped about behind him as he descended the stairs.  
  
As silent as the grave, the figure moved quickly along the darkened ground. His tunic fanned out behind him as he half walked, half ran towards the edge of the city. As he entered a small clearing, Ithil's light suddenly illuminated all his features. Eyes, dark as umber were shielded under dark eyebrows. Equally dark hair was clipped back and allowed to flow down his tunic of pale green.  
  
Lord Elrond's eyes moved downwards towards the silver basin, standing alone upon the moss covered ground, occasionally glancing around nervously as though expecting someone to leap out at him at any moment. He watched as the water shifted to reveal Rumil and Orophin sitting in the middle of a bedroom. He watched as Rumil rolled out a map and pointed to it. Faintly he heard their voices for a split second.  
  
"I am not making a fool out of myself, Orophin" said Rumil.  
  
"I know, but what can be done to get out of it?" replied Orophin.  
  
Elrond's eyes narrowed in annoyance. So that's what they were doing? Well, try as he might, Elrond knew that once the brother's decided unanimously upon something, not a lot could be done to stop them. He would try however!  
  
The waters shifted again, this time revealing the Lord and Lady apparently bickering in their room.  
  
"Dearest, why do you pressure me so to allow this mockery upon myself?" Celeborn whined.  
  
"Why does everything have to be what you say?" Galadriel glared at her husband  
  
Elrond felt a surge of triumph as he heard the Lady back up his cause.  
  
"However I can see your point of 'mockery'"  
  
The victorious feeling diminished.  
  
The water suddenly shifted again, but this time regained its original transparent state and lay still and silent.  
  
Elrond hurried from the basin for fear of being caught and made for his room. He sat down heavily on his bed, irritance surging through him as he thought of their scornful words. How could they not see the joys of the ancient manuscript he had discovered? Such qualities he had read in the said manuscript and he was therefore puzzled as to why no-one else felt the same.  
  
"Still" he mused "Arwen will be arriving tomorrow. Let us see just how they are then, when she agrees to assist me in my plight!"  
  
~*~  
  
The wind whipped around the horse's chestnut mane and tail, sending wisps of hair flying about in the breeze and the rider urged her steed onwards. The rider herself wore a cloak of olive-green and garments of pale grey. As the rider neared the dense forest in the distance, she bent her head lower and clutched the reins tighter as though for protection. However she slowed her steed to a trot as she vanished into the outskirts of the trees.  
  
Acquiring the favour of the Galadhrim had not been as easy a task as she had hoped for they were ever-more suspicious of whom crossed their borders in the darkening days. Still, she had stated her name, her cause for being in their realm and also where she hailed from. Once they had heard this information, they let her pass, though with an escort of two Galadhrim.  
  
The escorts showed her to her room and then went on their way to stable her horse. Minutes later, Lord Elrond rushed into the room to greet his daughter.  
  
"Arwen" he smiled as he embraced her.  
  
"Ada, it is good to see you again so soon."  
  
"Yes, it is my daughter"  
  
Arwen sat down again on the bed and her father poured them both cups of water from a pitcher on the table.  
  
"Now, Arwen" he began as he handed her a cup, "There is something I've been meaning to discuss with you." 


End file.
